Don't go to bed with an angry T-Rex

I stumbled across some 'Advice for the Bride' cards from my wedding shower.  The most common advice was from Ephesians 4:26...basically, don't go to bed angry. 

BUT HOW do you get un-angry when your emotions are are high, 

you're exhausted, grumpy, fed up and the sun is going down?

I would like to say I hop to bed like a fairytale princess, kiss my prince goodnight, flutter my eyelashes and exhale as I gently fall into a slumber. --Not quite-- It's more like I hog the sheets, tell my prince to 'move over', grumble about how he hasn't taken out the garbage and then start snoring. 

I used to think I should vent about my grievances in our marital bed at night because it's 'biblical'. Sounds so hot right?
 As if anyone wants to hear "and another thing that bothers me about you..." right before they're about to fall asleep. Ugh. When we were first married I had said those exact words to my husband right before bed.  After I verbally puked on him, I let out an internal sigh of relief which allowed me to peacefully fall asleep. The critical words I had said to him tossed and turned in his head all night. I left him all alone like that. :(

One of those personality tests defined me as a T-Rex and my husband as a rabbit.  It means I like to fix problems and hash things out right away and my husband likes to avoid conflict if possible. So when conflict arises, this little T-Rex starts chasing that rabbit! No wonder the Lord is challenging me to be more gracious. 

I used to think that marriage meant I had someone I could completely process every thought with, whether good or bad without consequence.  I realized, there is consequence.  
Marriage is not a free-for-all. I'm still accountable for what I say. 

My husband cannot be my God. He cannot take away my burdens, he cannot heal my heart and he cannot save me. I chose a husband who is like Jesus, but he can't BE Jesus to me.

What does the bible say? "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry"...but that is only part of the verse. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4

How am I learning get un-angry before the sun goes down?

• I'm learning to talk to Jesus openly about my grievances and allowing Him to speak truth and perspective to me

• I pray for my 'enemies' (which isn't easy) and ask Jesus to show me how He sees them

• Before saying something harsh or opinionated, I try to ask myself: "Is it profitable for me to say that?"

• I'm trying to have more intentional conversations when I'm not tired or h-angry with my husband. We have healthier conversations about any conflicts we have during walks around the neighbourhood, during long drives, or at a coffee shop (after I've eaten).

• If it is at night, we will pray about the issue together

• When I want to give someone a piece of my mind because 'they deserve it', I try to remember how much grace God has showed me. The consequence of my sin is death, so even though I 'deserve' death, through Jesus I have been 'gifted' eternal life. I should gift that grace forward when the opportunity presents itself (aka when someone wrongs me).

"Grace is offensive to those who want blood and vengeance."

 I like that quote...because I just wrote it.

Why do Christians raise their hands in worship?

I used to think they were ‘extra holy’ and proud of it. I also thought they must have great blood circulation to have their arms up song after song. The first time I tried to use a sock bun I had my hands over my head for 5 minutes and my arms felt like jelly all day. Why would anyone want to do that?

So I turned to the place of all knowledge and wisdom… 

...google

I found at least a dozen bible verses talking about lifting hands in praise and surrender to God.

Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and praise the LORD. Psalm 134: 2

The bible also mentions the word ‘extol’ repeatedly, which means to highly praise. One of the seniors at my church explained extolling as taking yourself out of the picture and just worshiping God.  

Take yourself out of it.

By removing yourself, what objection stands?

“God hasn't done anything for ME lately to raise my hands about” 

- it’s not about you or your rating of God’s ‘performance’

“I wasn't raised in a family who did that”

 – it’s not about your upbringing. My bible is my authority and example to follow above all.

1977 NCAA Fans

“I’m not comfortable being that expressive or emotional”

 – really? If you were at a stadium concert of your favourite band or at NHL play off game, would you just stand there stoically? 
You don’t clap, cheer, sing along loudly, maybe even raise your hands in joyful moments?

 Do you psyche yourself differently for those types of events?

Lou > Jesus?
Remember when Luongo had the most saves (72) in a single game in 2011?  Remember when Jesus saved the entire world in a single resurrection?

“I am man *grunt” 

– good for you. I am woman. It’s not about your masculinity

“I'll be the odd one out and I don't want others to judge me”

 – be the change. don't feed the culture of insecurity. Man CANNOT judge you, only God can. Go to the throne of God and tell him you don't raise your hands because you're afraid Billy Reimer might look at you. Oh no, not Billy Reimer!

“what if my armpits are smelly?”

 –  take a shower before church!

http://flic.kr/p/341rM

CAVEAT: If you don’t raise your hands in worship, then please know I’m not judging you as the worship police.  I hate to break it to you, but when I worship the creator of the universe, I’m not worried about you. I’m just sharing how my husband and I wrestle with the above questions of lifting our own hands in worship.  Ultimately, that is a conversation between you and God.  I’m not forcing you to put your hands up…this isn’t a stick up. 

  I do however ask this: How does your heart of worship manifest through your body?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship
 - Romans 12:1 

 This is actually a question of the heart, not of the hands.

I was afraid that people would think if I raised my hands I was claiming to be a perfect Christian, pffff. 

 It’s not about me feeling worthy enough to worship with lifted hands, it is about how worthy God is.  

 In worship, I’m singing in the presence of a God who knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I’m singing to Jesus who lovingly rescues me from a finite life of addiction to things that I can't take with me when I die (wealth, vanity, success, relationships etc). How great it is to be fully known, forgiven and understood. I’m singing to the King of Kings…the one true God.

I raise my hands in surrender, in awe, in gratitude, in desperation and in joy. 
It's also a physical reminder to focus. 

He is worthy of my voice, my expression, my emotions--my all. 

For Him, I'm willing to look like a fool.

As my self-focus and self-pity goes down, my hands go up.

If you don’t know if God is worthy of your praise and surrender, then that’s another blog…actually more like your own spiritual journey.  If you want the story of my spiritual epiphany that hit me a few years ago, just ask me for it.

But if you believe Jesus is who He says he is (and was and is to come)…then I challenge you to at least ‘raise your hand’ in prayer and ask God about all this…see what He says.

 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. -Psalm 63:4

"I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed" - by the opinionated preacher's wife

I've read an article on The Huffington Post called "One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying" (I am blessed) and something didn't sit right with me.

I agree with the author's general points, however it troubles me because I fear that one of his readers will have the opportunity to give thanks to God publicly, and hesitate. 

Thank you Jesus!

In a world where saying  ‘thank you Jesus’ is only socially acceptable if you say it like a southern gospel preacher, we don’t need more encouragement to hesitate sharing about God’s hand in our successes. Our own fear of man is sufficient. 

Like the author, I too had the best year in my business. I also let the words “I’ve been blessed” roll off my tongue like I'm ordering my regular Mcdonalds meal because it’s true!  I transitioned from a big city where I had a secure 7 year track record as a local Realtor, to a smaller town as a ‘newbie’. I invested a lot of energy into my business this year so you could credit my success to muscling through it, but I don’t see it like that.  

This was also the year that I faced one of the biggest financial hardships to date.  A rental property I owned went sideways. I was facing over $100,000 in debt.  I have wrestled with trying to find a solution for 7 years. It often brought many nights of sobbing, angry prayers, screaming in frustration, and even thoughts of an escape plan…

 I needed a successful year.  

After expenses, I actually didn’t end up with much money to put toward the debt, but as each client came I would give thanks.  It wasn’t about the money.  Each client was a gift from God that said “keep going.”  As each sold sticker went up, I publicly would ‘woohoo’ as if I won something on Oprah, but internally I would just let out a small sigh of gratitude. “Thank you for providing for me Lord.” Each client was a sign that God had not forsaken me and left me to suffer the consequences of my bad investment decision. He very well could have and I would have still said ‘I am blessed.’

 Life isn’t fair.  Grace isn’t fair.

So when I say I am blessed in having the best year of my career, I say it naturally but not lightly.  I say it with humility and fully knowing God could have ‘blessed’ me with hardship instead.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 1-4

 I use the words ‘I am blessed’ with the intent and hope for further conversation with others. The man who served me papers about this investment property usually encounters people trying to hide from him.  He is probably used to sneak-attack delivering the documents and quickly saying ‘you just got served.’  This time he was greeted with a big smile and sincere conversation. I used that opportunity to share my story with him and tell him why I feel so blessed in this.  Reverse door knocking evangelism!  He knocked on my door so he couldn’t shut my own door on me. I did not hesitate to tell him how thankful and blessed I am.  He didn’t fall to his knees and pray the salvation prayer, but it was a small seed and an opportunity for me to re-live God’s blessing as I shared the story.  (full miraculous story of God’s redemption in my $100,000 debt to follow)

Praise and Worship is mentioned countless times in the bible.  Worship isn’t just singing, it’s a way of life.  We are to worship God in our conversations, in our posts and in our choices.

I was faithful and I tried to be obedient to how God called me to operate my business.  God may not be a behavioural psychologist but obedience can lead to blessing. Blessing does not necessarily mean material wealth, but rather the sense that God is with you.

 Sin leads to death. Obedience leads to life.

God has not promised me a cushy life. I admit I have faced small sufferings in comparison to others, but I have an abundant life through my relationship with Jesus.

 My cup overflows. I’m alive in Christ. I am blessed.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

 2 Corinthians 12:9